Why are we always looking for signs? Can’t imagine it’s just me. Maybe this is part of my C*tholic upbringing. Or maybe it’s because my mom is very superstitious and believes so deeply in the lottery - which means anything can be a sign. Either way, I think there’s something about signs that gives us hope, and often leaves us in limbo.
What prompted this was an old wallet - a great place to look if you want ancient school ID’s, a family photo from 2010 likely creased at its edge from the wallet’s folded spine, and a Target gift card with a $5 balance. But while I was in there I found three fortune cookie slips I’d been saving. I guess I was saving them until they proved prophetic because they were still there, tucked away. Probably forever.
I used to think they were signs. Because what were the odds (high) that I would get three fortunes refuting my worst fears. It couldn’t be a coincidence! No way! Turns out the only truth to this image is that I obviously have some trauma I need to work through, and the fortunes are lying. You hear that everyone? They are LIARS.
Why do we hang onto these things? Maybe not quite as literally as I did, but why do we see one thing and assume it’s linked to something surely unrelated and hold onto that idea for what might end up being our entire lives? Because here’s the thing about signs: they give us hope. Unless they’re omens, of course. Those are *bad.* Aside from omens, signs come in many types. Religious signs are a big one. Not like visions or anything but if you’re really into Jesus and you prayed for a sign and you saw something that reminded you of what you prayed for, you may consider it a divine message. Or maybe you’re into astrology and live off the words of whoever is writing for Virgos this month.
But what if you exist in that weird alternate space where you’re not religious so your signs don’t feel divine and astrology feels fake? Where the “signs” you notice aren’t tethered to a god’s plan, but more like the universe as a whole. Or maybe you’re just someone who wants something so badly you’re willing to accept any semblance of possibility that you’ll get it. Well I’m a little bit of both, and sometimes I feel pretty stupid. And desperate. But if I push those to the side I do feel hopeful. So hopeful in fact that I stuck those three fortunes to my bedroom mirror for three years just to leave the house feeling good about the way my life was going and the decisions I was making. Which makes me think maybe signs are just our egos shapeshifting into metaphors or fried cookies.
The ego is pretty powerful. I’d say it controls a lot more of what we say and do than we’d like to admit (due to you know, our egos). So maybe that’s why we choose to believe signs exist at all, let alone are tailored to us. No matter what we do, fear of being wrong can often outweigh our better judgement. I’d rather believe in a slip of paper from a cookie than admit I’d made the wrong choice or that I’ll never get what I’m searching for - because that’s one of the worst outcomes for anyone. Signs really have the potential to make us feel good, and looking for them brings us hope. But “finding” them can latch onto the part of us that may feel a little self conscious about our decisions.
Whatever types of signs we look for, who are we to ignore them? Who am I? Just a gal with three fortunes she tucked right back into that old wallet, just in case.
As always, thanks for reading.
Elizabeth
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